


Walk Through The Storm, I Would

by lilithsmywife



Category: The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Family Feels, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, LMAO, Lilith Clawthorne Redemption, Lilith needs therapy, Not Incest, Platonic Relationships, Protective Eda Clawthorne, Recovery, Self-Harm, Starvation, Suicide Attempt, Trauma, Triggers, tf is wrong with some of y'all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:49:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28600233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilithsmywife/pseuds/lilithsmywife
Summary: Healing isn't always as easy as it seems.It isn't something that happens overnight.All the pain from your past mistakes can't be erased in a day, a week, or even a month; Lilith knows that.But sometimes, just having someone there with you to help you walk through the storm is enough to get through the other side.Tw: self-harm, cutting, suicidal thoughts, starvation, heavy themes of depression.
Relationships: Eda Clawthorne & Lilith Clawthorne
Comments: 9
Kudos: 42





	Walk Through The Storm, I Would

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic is heavily inspired off of @sunnythecat666's fanfic which you can read here:   
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/27223501  
> Same tws, btw !!!!  
> Also, in this story there is graphic descriptions of self-harm so please read with caution!!!!  
> This is also inspired off of my own experiences with depression and my recovery with s/h.   
> Writing is a very good way to cope with trauma and I hope you guys like this as much as I do. :)
> 
> I made a spotify playlist (and a shorter version on youtube) you can listen to if you want.   
> Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0O3ROgLsGemfSCcA8ZHCMj?si=vTLDilerSwCRTDq_-rD8Mg  
> Youtube: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLflVl5CJt9b6COJWnyj1qOJ1hchGWyZNz

In the warm summer evening in the Owl House, a restless Lilith Clawthorne found herself staring up at the ceiling ─ waiting so desperately for sleep to overcome her, but unfortunately, it never came, keeping her awake.

Granted, going from sleeping to a king-sized-bed in the Emperor's castle to sleeping on her sister's worn-out couch (which was probably infested with bedbugs and had various different-colored stains of Titan-knows-what) in her living room in such a short amount of time was something she hadn't planned on, but regardless, it happened nonetheless; whether she liked it or not.

Lilith sat up, rubbing her eyes and deciding that if she wasn't going to get any rest tonight, she might as well go make herself a midnight snack. Groaning and dragging her sleep-deprived body up from the couch, Lilith slowly made herself to the kitchen.

Opening up the fridge, she reached inside to grab the ingredients she needed to make herself a sandwich. Setting them down on a cutting board, she drew a circle in the air, summoning a knife from the cupboard and chopping up the contents of her food. After she was done, she layered them on top of each other and used a heating spell to quickly cook up her food. After her food was done cooking, and she poured herself some apple blood to drink, she immediately began scarfing it down.

Despite being there for a little over a month now, and Eda still having enough snails to buy everyone in the Owl House food to survive off of (for now), she hadn't really been eating all that well since her arrival.

Being plagued with the overwhelming guilt that lead her to this point was something the older Clawthorne couldn't seem to escape from, leading to the woman to disregard her own well-being ─ failing to take proper care of herself, eating once or twice a day, physically taking her anger out on herself, sneaking drinks every once in a while to try to numb the pain, and lying to Eda when she would try and check in with her so she wouldn't worry about her and go digging for answers. **_(Of course, what Lilith didn't know is that Eda knew well what she was doing to herself; the younger sibling not knowing how to approach her older sister when she was in such a self-destructive state.)_**

As the creatures of the night outside sang their songs, Lilith's mind began to wonder over the events of the past few weeks as well as the very thing that shattered her and Edalyn's relationship in the first place. Cursing her sister out of petty jealously, spending decades trying to hunt her down, begging her to join the Emperor's Coven, and using a human child as bait to lure Edalyn in to fight her. All of which ended up to be proven useless anyway. Now here she was, a wanted criminal hiding from the law living under a unfamiliar roof shared with the very people she had selfishly taken her anger out on.

Lilith squeezed her eyes shut, trying everything she can to keep herself from getting emotional.

_**You don't get to be upset. You put yourself in this position. If you had just fought your sister all those years ago and not stooped so low as to curse her none of this would've ever happened. Maybe then she'd actually like having you around like she did when we were young, and you weren't the half the shell of a woman you are today.** _

But despite everything she had done, she knew that she couldn't take any of it back no matter how hard she tried. What was done was done, and now she has to face the consequences of her actions. Even if that meant sharing the same curse that had haunted her sister for all those years.

_**But that still isn't enough, you deserve far worse. You're better off dead anyway. You've caused enough trouble.** _

Lilith sighed, placing her half-eaten sandwich back on her plate, taking a long swig of her apple blood and dragging her hand through her scalp in frustration. She tugged angrily at the sides of her hair as hot tears ran down her cheeks, and she did nothing to stop them this time.

Her thoughts were getting the better of her again, and she was tired of fighting them this time.

She knew she didn't deserve all this. She knew Eda wasn't okay with letting her stay here. Why would she be? She literally almost killed her mentor. A human child, only 14 years old. And not only that, but being prejudiced against the young girl just for being a human being; something she had no control over.

She knew how important she was to Eda; she knew how Eda felt towards her, and she had taken advantage of her once again just like she did so many years before.

_**I'm sorry, Eda.... please forgive me for what I'm about to do.** _

Lilith could barely keep herself upright with all the thoughts swirling around her head. Maybe it was just the alcohol; but she knew that wasn't the case. Hell, she couldn't even stand the very sight of herself.

A woman who had been so full of life now was so drained of it that she looked like a ghost compared to her younger self.

_**What happen to you, Lilith?**_ she thought angrily. **_Why are you still alive? Your suicide attempt should've been successful, but you couldn't even do that right._**

Lilith, blinded by her own guilt and pain, yanked open the cupboard drawer, pulling out a knife and tucking it in the left pocket of her pajama bottoms as she headed into the bathroom.

Slamming the door shut behind her, she pulled the knife out and pointed it in an downwards motion, and proceeded with her self-punishment. Hissing in pain as the cold blade of the knife being dragged sideways across her skin, she sobbed, throwing the knife at the wall and watching as it clattered down on the ground, her arms covered with 4 freshly-cut wounds. She screamed, not just because it hurt, but because she was **_so tired of having to live with herself after what she's done._**

She mentally cursed herself; she was, once again, relapsing because of her selfish thoughts.

She had promised Edalyn that she would reach out to her when she felt the need to self-harm after her almost-suicide-attempt had gone wrong; Eda had walked in on Lilith trying to pry open a container of pills and Lilith panicked; trying to convince her that she had a headache and she needed some medication to ease her pain, but upon further expection, Eda found a suicide letter beside the sink, which lead to her questioning the shaken-up woman on what her intentions truly were. Lilith, after failing to cover for her lie, broke down and told her everything; how she had planned on taking her life so Eda wouldn't have to suffer by her hands anymore and claiming that she was doing her a favor. After several tears were shed and lots of loving hugs were shared, Eda convinced Lilith that this wasn't what she wanted; she just wanted her sister back.

Clearly, she was falling behind. Her depression was winning, and it was getting bad again.

There was a knock, followed with her sister's-muffled voice from behind the door. "Lily? Are you okay?"

Lilith slapped her hand over her mouth, trembling from the pain and frozen in fear of embarrassing herself in front of her sister again. She stood there, not making a sound, hoping she would just lose interest and go back to bed. She knew better than that, though. Eda isn't one to give up on the ones she loves.

"Lilith? C'mon now, you're starting to scare me."

Lilith sighed. _**Guess I have no choice,**_ she thought bitterly, though she knew Edalyn meant well.

Pulling up the sleeves of her nightshirt and grabbing the knife off the floor and placing it carefully in her pocket, she wiped any remaining evidence that she'd been crying off her face and hesitantly opened the door, forcing herself to look her sister in the eyes.

Immediately she noticed how worried she looked. She wasn't sporting her usual mischievous smirk like she usually was; instead smiling softly at her in hopes to ease the awkwardness in the air.

"Is there something you need, Edalyn?" Lilith asked, though she knew the subject would eventually come up no matter how much she tried to act like she was okay.

Eda shifted uncomfortably, not knowing how exactly to bring it up. "So, uh... I heard you scream and I came to come check on you. You okay, sis?"

Eda grabbed Lilith's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, trying to reassure her that she could trust her with whatever's going on. Forcing herself to smile, Lilith tried her best to remain calm in hopes of convincing Eda that nothing was going and that everything was okay. But Eda could see a flicker of fear in her sister's eyes.

"Thank you for checking in on me Edalyn, but I am fine. I just... I thought I saw a spider, that's all."

Eda's left eyebrow arched upwards in confusion, taking in everything she was saying. She didn't believe her at all. Eda may be a little careless with others at times but she wasn't stupid. She knew her sister. And she clearly was far from okay; especially when she could see from a mile away how depressed she's been lately.

Eda hummed in thought, removing her hands from her sister's grip. She walked around the room for a second, looking for any evidence that could prove that she'd been doing anything to hurt herself. Then, she thought of something. Eda turned around, facing Lilith with a stern expression on her face.

"If you're so sure that everything's fine and that you're okay, then why don't you show me your left arm so I can see so for myself?" Crossing her arms around her chest, Eda awaited her response.

Lilith flinched, her ears drooping down slightly in fear for her sister finding out she had cut herself again.

**_She's going to be so disappointed.... I deserve whatever punishment she chooses, I can't keep doing this to her.... she's your SISTER for Titans sake, and I can't even work up the courage to ask her for help when I need it most...._ **

Without realizing what she was doing, she digged her sharp-fingernails into the side of her right arm, earning her a bright-red bruise standing out from her pale white skin. She winced in pain from the contact; as large drops of tears once again flew freely down her face, desperately trying to keep herself from sobbing, but failing, as she started whimpering quietly as she covered her face in shame.

Eda's once-serious expression softened, her heart shattering into millions of pieces at the sight of how miserable and downright terrified her older sister was to comply with her request. Realization dawned on her, and she finally understood why.

_**She relapsed... oh dear Titan, that's why she's so scared of showing me her arms. She didn't want me to find out... she'd rather suffer than get help for this.** _

Eda slowly made her way over to her sobbing sister, being careful so that she didn't come off as a threat. She lifted her chin up ─ forcing Lilith to look at her with her minty-green eyes full of tears.

With her free arm, she grabbed a piece of toilet paper and wiped at Lilith's eyes and cheeks. After she was done, she handed it to Lilith, who wiped at her nose and discarded it. Eda cupped her sister's cheeks in her hands, stroking them softly in order to calm her down. Eda looked back at Lilith, a wave of sadness overcoming her as well, seeing her sister in the state she was in.

"Lily. If you have been hurting yourself, you need to tell me. Even if it's just a scratch. I'm not going to yell at you, or even raise my voice at you. Like I said when I first found out about this, I just want to help. But I can't do that if you're constantly pushing me away and refusing my attempts to help you. I know I do my own fair share of isolating myself away from other people, but this is serious. I need to know these things, Lily. You're still my sister, regardless of everything that's happened. Now, please, can you show me your left arm? I'm not going to get mad, I promise."

Lilith sniffled, looking into Eda's eyes for any trace of malicious intent, but saw none ─ only the eyes of a caring younger sister concerned for the wellbeing of her oldest sister.

"It's for the best, Lily. Let me help you."

Looking up at her, Lilith nodded, lifting up her arm and rolling down her selves to show Eda the place where she'd been hurting herself. Eda gasped upon seeing her newest additions to her wrist and forearm; not only they were fresh, but she was also _bleeding_ from two of her cuts.

Lilith looked away in shame, pulling her arm back and facing away from her sister. Sighing sadly, Eda grabbed a roll of bandages and some cleaning wipes and once again took Lilith's arm and carefully cleaned the blood off her wrist and wrapped her injuries in the bandage.

After that was done, she noticed something pointy sticking out from her pajama bottom pocket. Lilith noticed Eda staring and began to tear up, feeling ashamed of putting herself in this situation to begin with. She could've reached out to her, but she chose to handle things her own way and drown herself in her thoughts like she always did.

Eda spoke up. "Lily, can you hand over the knife please?" Lilith drew out a shaky breath, trembling hands reaching down to her pocket and carefully pulling the knife out and handing it to Eda.

Eda looked down at the knife and back at Lilith, who was avoiding her gaze. Clearing her throat and getting Lilith's attention, she motioned her to follow her. Lilith obliged, following her sister from behind.

Guiding her from the bathroom and into her room, Eda got rid of the knife and sat down in her nest. Patting the spot next to her, Eda gave a sympathetic smile towards Lilith. The older woman hesitated before climbing over the nest and plopping down next to her sister. The two sat there for a moment in silence, taking everything in that just happened and not knowing how to approach the topic. Lilith fidgeted with her hands while Eda stared longingly at her sister; wanting so desperately to know what she was thinking and what could possibly bring her to relapse again.

After a while, Eda spoke, breaking the silence between them.

"Why didn't you come to me about this?"

Lilith inhaled sharply, arms wrapping around herself in a way to help soothe her anxiety and looked off into the distance.

"I... I didn't want to come off as overwhelming... you already helped me once, Edalyn. I know I'm hurting you by doing this to myself, and I didn't want to disappoint you..."

Eda stared at her sister, trying to process everything she was told. **_Why does she only care about what she thinks? Does she not care about how she's hurting herself?_**

"But.... what about yourself, Lilith?"

Lilith turned to face her, her face a mixture of confusion and worry. "W-What?"

"How does this make you feel? Doesn't this hurt you? Aren't you tired of suffering after everything that's happened?"

Lilith opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. This wasn't something she had thought about before. All she was focused on was being terrified to mess things up again so Edalyn didn't have another reason to hate her guts. Yet she did that anyway.

Lilith let out a breath she's been holding in before continuing.

"I guess I was more focused on what you'd think of me rather than focusing on my own well-being. I was so worried about hurting you again that I resorted to hurting myself instead to hide the pain..." she sighed, fixing her gaze up at the ceiling. "But of course, that didn't do anything but made it worse... I gave in and... I-I let myself down..." Lilith's voice cracked, a few silent tears making their way down her face.

Eda nodded, before taking Lilith's trembling form and pulled her in for a hug. Lilith jumped slightly at the sudden gesture and Eda ran her hands through her navy-blue hair in an attempt to calm her.

"Lilith, I'm not disappointed in you. Yes, I'm a little upset that you're doing this to yourself, but I know that this is hurting you way more than it ever could hurt me. The truth is, recovery isn't as easy as it seems. You're going to slip up sometimes. But what's important is when you feel yourself slipping up, you _**need**_ to reach out and ask for help. And even if you _**do**_ slip up, that's okay. You're not perfect. Neither of us are. But things _**can**_ get better. You're gonna have to work for it instead of ignoring it and making a home out of your own self-pity. You're worth more than that, Lily. I know you are."

Lilith sighed, rubbing at her temples; her eyes squeezing shut in frustration. _**Why does she not get it? Why does she think she's even capable of getting better? After everything she's done she still thinks she's worth it?!**_

"Edalyn, I'm not as strong as you think I am. I can't even go to sleep at night without having some sort of intrusive thoughts keeping me from getting better. Have you even noticed that I've been starving myself? As much as I want to, I can't recover from the things I've done. I deserve this. How could you even let me live in the same house as you after everything that's happened?!"

Her tears flew freely now, her face red and puffy from all the crying she'd been doing. Her fingers curled into fists; wanting to pull her hair out and scream until her voice gave out. She resisted; instead tugging roughly at her hair and pulling out a few clumps out in the process.

Eda, taking note of her sister's alarming state, took a deep breath, grabbed her sister's hands away from her hair, and intertwined their fingers together. Lilith's demeanor softened, her shoulders slumping down and ears flickering upwards in surprise.

"Lily, please, calm down and listen to me. I'm not against you, no matter what your depression tells you. And yes, I have noticed, I just didn't know how to bring it up without things spiraling out of control. As much as I want to help you, you tend to get a little.... aggressive, when this subject is brought up, like now. It's hard to communicate with you when you ignore my attempts to help you and you get defensive. As I've said before, you need to let me help you. But, again, I can only do so much. I can't force you to change. That's something you're gonna have to work on yourself. You're going to _**want**_ to change. Everyone is capable of change; whether it's good or bad. I'll be happy to point you in the right direction, but I'm not exactly your therapist; I'm just your sister. And as your sister, I worry about you and what you do to yourself. Yes, I do understand that what all you did was fucked up but I'm willing to move past that so we can finally be a family again. And, if anything, I need you to know that I love you and I still want you in my life. Hell, that's why I'm letting you stay here in the first place. Can't exactly throw my sister out on the streets now that she's a wanted criminal, can I?"

Eda's mouth curved upwards in a grin, lightly nudging Lilith with her elbow. Lilith couldn't help but crack a small smile of her own, rolling her eyes at her sister as Eda wrapped her arm around her shoulders and pulled her into a hug. Lilith buried herself into Eda's neck and smiled; a few tears of joy slipping out and staining her bare skin.

Eda grinned; feeling a sense of warmth and security as Lilith stood there hugging her close as if she would fade away and be lost forever if she let her go. Lightly sobbing into her sister's shoulder, Lilith could feel her own heart swell up with joy and gratitude. All this time she thought she was just another burden in her sister's life; it turns out she was wrong. She was only a burden to herself.

But maybe she doesn't have to be.

Maybe that's the whole point of healing.

To move forward,

To forgive,

And to love.

Lilith pulled back, wiping her eyes and looking back at her sister; who yawned rather loudly and looked back at her with tired eyes.

"So, I know this whole recovery thing is going to take a lot of work, and years of trauma can't be fixed all in one night, but as for now, after the night we've had I think it's fair that we at least try to sleep in a few more hours. That sound good?"

Lilith smiled, nodding in approval. "I'd like that very much. I have a feeling I'll be able to sleep more soundly after everything you've done for me, Edalyn. T-Thank you. I... I couldn't be more grateful to have a sister like you in my life."

"Don't sweat it, sis. I'll always be here. I promise."

"Thank you, Eda. Goodnight."

Lilith started to get up ─ planning on leaving and returning back to her couch ─ when Eda grabbed Lilith's hand, spinning her around, and making her lay down in the nest.

"Uh-uh. You're not going anywhere."

Grabbing a blanket, she draped it over Lilith; trapping her underneath. Lilith looked back at her, confused. "Edalyn, what are you doing?"

Eda smirked. "I'm protecting my big sis by making sure she doesn't go anywhere. Now shut up and try to get some sleep; we don't have much time to waste."

"Oh, Eda, you don't have to-" Eda put a finger up to her lips.

"Shhh. Sleep. I'm a sleepy owl. And you are too. Don't lie to me, Lily." She added, playfully.

Lilith rolled her eyes at her sister's antics but didn't object. She was sleepy; _**ah what the hell, why not?**_

Wrapping herself up in the soft fabric, Lilith snuggled up to her sister; feeling a slight wave of nostalgia in that moment ─ holding her little sister close to her as if they were kids again experiencing a bad nightmare.

But this didn't have to be a nightmare; she knew that now. As long as she had hope for herself, her family, and the future, she could get through it.

"Goodnight Lily. I love you."

"I love you too, Eda."

_With her._


End file.
